Is it proper etiquette to give cash or a check at a wedding?

American etiquette for wedding gifts has evolved over the years. At one time, registering for gifts was considered tacky and was definitely taboo in the eyes of proper wedding etiquette.

Seeing as how gifts are always optional, the type of gift has in American tradition been left up to the gift giver to decide. Most would never choose to break proper etiquette and give a gift of cash or check at a wedding.

Things are changing, however, as we enter into a more global view and absorb or adapt to other cultures that are becoming an integral part of the United States.

In Asian culture giving money at the wedding is the ideal gift. They even have certain etiquette for how it should be presented and which denominations are appropriate. For example, the Chinese consider the color red to be good luck.

In proper etiquette for giving money at a wedding, they will enclose the monetary gift in a red envelope making sure that it is not in a multiple that includes the number 4, which is bad luck because it can also be the word for death.

Of course, with the increased numbers of Asian-Americans, this tradition has worked its way into American etiquette and started a wave of change in proper etiquette for giving cash or check at a wedding.

Traditionally, all gifts were bought and sent to the bride’s home well in advance of the wedding day. This not only ensures that the couple received it safely ahead of time, but it was courteous in that the couple doesn’t have plan on loading up tons of gifts after the ceremony.

It also protects from loss or theft on such a busy day that steers people’s attention away from the gift table. Now, old school wedding guests may still follow traditional American etiquette for giving cash or checks at weddings, which means they will buy a gift.

Younger generations, however, have no problem giving monetary gifts. If they choose to give a gift, proper etiquette says that giving money at weddings should be in the form of a check to prevent loss or theft of the money.

Unique forms of getting around old school etiquette for giving money at weddings include honeymoon registries and mortgage registries. Many couples who have waited until later in life to get married already have the typical household items that would traditionally be given as wedding gifts.

These happy couples can sign up for registries in which guests pay for a part of their honeymoon or down payment on their new home. These forms of giving money at a wedding will avoid cash and checks altogether since they are handled through the registry itself, which is usually online.

However, the bride and groom should be sensitive to those who prefer to stick to older forms of etiquette on giving money at weddings and register for gifts in the more traditional sense also.

One last note on proper etiquette for giving cash or checks at a wedding: the couple should never ask for money. This is similar to the taboo of listing your registry on the invitation. Gifts of any form are optional, and it is considered rude to ask for one.

Instead, make sure the close family and friends know that you are open to receiving cash and have them slip that information to guests who ask what you might need or want.